When I was in grad school, learning how to teach high schoolers, an instructor used 'love and logic' with us. Yes--the same one you may use with your kids today. Turns out it works great with teenagers in the classroom just like it works with our young ones.
One of the lessons I learned well was that you have to invest in those kids. Let them have choices when it doesn't matter which choice they make. It's like when we let our kids choose the blue or purple plate at lunch. No big deal to us, but it helps the kids feel they have some control over their world.
The way my instructor put it was that letting them make choices now will be 'money in the bank' later when you have to choose for them (such as needing to take a test that day. The parent version? Our kids have to wear shoes when we leave the house --it's not negotiable). Investing in their ability to make choices now will pay off when you make the withdrawal later.
Another spin on this for parents is investing quality time with your kids. This also works as 'money in the bank'. We've been struggling with my daughter's behavior lately. Some would say that we need to crack down, increase the discipline, help her learn right from wrong. I agree. However, we also need to put in some deposits. I had special 1:1 time with her over the weekend at the bookstore and coffee shop--just us with no distractions.
In my nearly five years at this parenting job, I've found that putting money in the bank often works even better than cracking down. Kids act out for a reason. While teaching them right from wrong is essential, we also need to let them know they matter. Sometimes, it helps them believe us when it's time to put their shoes on on our way out the door.
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